I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
