im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
