remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
