Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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