I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
