Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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