I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
