My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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