Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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