I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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