so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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