the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
