even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize