About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
