I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
