pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want her autograph on my taint
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
