my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
