Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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