Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize