we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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