The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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