ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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