I wish my penis had an off switch
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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