He had one of those small greek statue penises
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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