Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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