Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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