it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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