Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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