I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
how does that bad decision feel?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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