I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I love you. Go after that dick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
