i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm like, not good at living.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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