Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
