I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
