God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
