sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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