guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
