i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
