physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
