apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just want to make out with him forever
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
