I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
