She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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