help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize