Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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