People in love make me want to vomit
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
