call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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