Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sober January is a disaster.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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