i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
