I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
