mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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