Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i came on her dog
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
