I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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