So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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