why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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