8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
