Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
