I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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