dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize