My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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