No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
