Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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