he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
