remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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