you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
