Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
