so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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