I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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