his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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