What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
