Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
