Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
